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22 Jun

These days are a bit overwhelming. My relatives are visiting from overseas tomorrow and I really want to see them; however, I get anxious when the family “gathers,” it is not a good feeling and I feel guilty. My guilt is because I know I need to enjoy the present, the blessing of being surrounded […]

Sad, confused, and lonely

7 Jun

Sad, confused, and lonely

Today is raining in Tampa Bay. I am feeling so down. I don’t know where God is. Sometimes I feel I’m a hypocrite. I sound down to earth, some of my posts sound like I really grew spiritually and that I really get it. But a lot of times I don’t! Today is one of […]

Mother’s Day Blues

16 May

Last Sunday was Mother’s Day. It was also my first Sunday as a volunteer in the Children’s Ministry at my church in Lutz, FL. My mom stayed with me this weekend and that made it very special. Even though I tried to have a great attitude and be thankful for having my mother, I was […]

Jesus Moments

5 May

Jesus Moments

In the aftermath of my loss my emotions and energy were almost depleted. I remember driving down the road and feeling almost paralyzed with pain in my heart. My eyes, like the psalmist says “were growing weak with sorrow,” (Psalm 31:9) I literally felt my life was sucked out of me. I was in pure human misery.  But […]

Looking beyond trials

11 Apr

Losing my brother has been a devastating experience. What I have lived ever since is a hard, very hard trial. Trials, I learned, are inexorable tests of our faith. My trial, the pain that this separation has settled me in, is a test of my faith. It isn’t difficult to conclude that, painful as it seems, […]

Tough Day

4 Apr

Hoy siento que la muerte me rodea. Today I feel death surrounds me. I don’t have one ounce of joy in me. Once again, I have lost interest in everything. I just want to cry. I just want this to be over. I want to die. If dying is to be with Jesus and be reunited with […]

When your days are gloomy

26 Mar

  In one of my early posts I wrote about waking up renewed even if my morning was gloomy. Well… today was one of those gloomy mornings. I had a bad weekend. It is hard to keep on going with life as if nothing ever happened. I see some relatives that knew my brother very […]

The day I want to “delete” forever

13 Mar

The day I lost my brother is the day I wish it had never come; I want to “delete it” forever, but this is irrational thinking. I lost my brother during his favorite time of the year: Christmas. I remember many times before, thinking how difficult must be to lose someone you love during the holidays. I couldn’t […]